For as long as it has been, there has been without a doubt many events that have taken place in the lives of those around us, myself included. However, even though we may lose track of the things that we like to do, the things we try to do, etc, we must never fail to remember that life is about living and thus requires our immediate attention.
This post is coming from interactions within my own life and deals with primarily how we use and cope with our emotions. Emotions are the "life-blood" of what makes us unique within this world. Some may say they can see their pet sad or depressed and that may be the case but we as human beings experience and share emotion differently than animals do.
There are those who choose to withhold or internalize what they feel neglecting to share what they think or feel for a plethora of reasons. On the other hand, there are those who willing fire off what they feel and think and there is very little unknown about these people (much like myself). There are variations among the two that I have mentioned but this is not a post about the in-depth knowledge on our emotions and the types that may exist but rather a sweeping look at how we can effectively view our (and our spouses) emotions when in conflict or discussion.
I have noticed that when something is said that I take as criticism, an attack, or anything of the sorts I immediate turn off my ears (or at least only hearing enough to rebut with a witty and accurate response) and proceed to defensive mode. The issue with this is we are failing to actually gain knowledge that directly affects how we are to hash out an issue that may be present. Though our spouse may be upset, usually the information that they are offering (usually in not the nicest manner) is actually good, solid outside information that can be utilized to our benefit. As the old saying goes, "take everything with a grain of salt," this should be our motto. Salt gives things that are bland, flavor and we use it so that we may enjoy the food that we are eating. Though criticism is never something we enjoy if we can give it a little bit of salt that criticism seems less harsh and more something that we can apply.
When we are in conflict I believe that it is an essential skill to be able to sift through the emotionally driven criticism to the core of what our spouse is crying out for, to be heard and loved. This is not easy and I can only say that I'm writing this in the hopes that this concept will sink into the depths of my soul and take hold. My life and how I deal with pain and with the ill that people think of me is to simply brush it under the rug and hope that the dust bunnies don't become so large that I must pull out the vacuum to clean it all up. Prayer is an absolute necessity if we desire to learn these skills. Our walk will directly determine how we will react to anything. Humility is the foundation for all things especially those dealing with inter-communication between human beings. If we remain humble and realize that those who truly love us are simply trying to express to us how they feel in the off chance that we may hear them and more effectively love them than we are better off.
I realize that this is more of a venting of the frustrations of my short comings but I hope that this information above is something that may be internalized for everyone's edification. My closing thought is that if we can remain humble in all that we do, take in every piece of information as if we we're Christ looking through the human veracity with lenses of absolute loving-kindness, we can and will undoubtedly become better for it. A harsh word stirs up anger but a soft answer turns away wrath; go in peace and live as if today is the last moment in which you can show your love to those you care for.
V/R,
K. R. Marple
Monday, August 17, 2015
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Love in Everything
Hello again to anyone who cares to read what I write. The last post I wrote was about how important communication is in fulfilling our roll as husbands and it is foundational in being a success in what we do and having those we love trust in us and follow us.
This topic is said to be had by many but what many of us fail to see is that though we may voice with our mouths the love of our hearts, but we seem unable to put it into practice within the scope of every situation (which is true of myself). What do I mean? I mean to say that if we have this love it will shine through even in the midst of anger and frustration, fear and worry, tears and pain. What I have found even (and probably more so) with myself and many is that these feelings dig deep within us and influence the words we say. When hurt we seek to hurt with fury and vengence, not realizing that we achieve nothing. As we allow these certain things to control or influence how we act we simply show our weakness. Acting out in our anger or frustration is very easy, its as if it is second nature to us however by controlling our tongues and how we portray ourselves and doing so in ways that avoid the hurting of those we love shows real strength.
I don't have exercises to do or anything of the sort but I say evaluation is the best thing for us to do. We need to assess how important those people are to us, are they big enough for us to step up and lead from the front. I think love is a very important part of leadership, and yes I believe this true in any scope of leadership: church, home, military, etc. Being a true leader is being able to have that love, to help when its needed and to not be afraid to be hard we need be. Where communication is the foundation of great leadership love certainly must be the back bone. Love is what gives us the strength and supports the other aspects of leadership. So without love, nothing holds together and our motives are weak. The brain uses the spine to send the signals for action throughout the whole body, so love is what drives our actions just as hate or distain can drive actions as well. I hope and pray that this will seep into our minds and allow us to step into the role of leader and husband with joy. Peace of Christ.
This topic is said to be had by many but what many of us fail to see is that though we may voice with our mouths the love of our hearts, but we seem unable to put it into practice within the scope of every situation (which is true of myself). What do I mean? I mean to say that if we have this love it will shine through even in the midst of anger and frustration, fear and worry, tears and pain. What I have found even (and probably more so) with myself and many is that these feelings dig deep within us and influence the words we say. When hurt we seek to hurt with fury and vengence, not realizing that we achieve nothing. As we allow these certain things to control or influence how we act we simply show our weakness. Acting out in our anger or frustration is very easy, its as if it is second nature to us however by controlling our tongues and how we portray ourselves and doing so in ways that avoid the hurting of those we love shows real strength.
I don't have exercises to do or anything of the sort but I say evaluation is the best thing for us to do. We need to assess how important those people are to us, are they big enough for us to step up and lead from the front. I think love is a very important part of leadership, and yes I believe this true in any scope of leadership: church, home, military, etc. Being a true leader is being able to have that love, to help when its needed and to not be afraid to be hard we need be. Where communication is the foundation of great leadership love certainly must be the back bone. Love is what gives us the strength and supports the other aspects of leadership. So without love, nothing holds together and our motives are weak. The brain uses the spine to send the signals for action throughout the whole body, so love is what drives our actions just as hate or distain can drive actions as well. I hope and pray that this will seep into our minds and allow us to step into the role of leader and husband with joy. Peace of Christ.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Circle of Husbandry: Communication
I write yet again today because of the massive boredom that I'm looking straight in the face. Anyways I press on to my thought on being a husband and something everyone who has ever spoken to a person will understand.
I spoke to my wife this evening (she's working a 24+ hr shift) but I have found that many times when we communicate things become misconstrued and frustration begins to poke its nasty little head around. But some of what I have lived through even with my grotesque amount of impatience I realize that there is more then just frustration and misguided agendas. I feel that attitude plays a serious role in your overall ability to communicate with others especially your wife. Being effective in what you are trying to communicate and how you do so comes directly from an attitude of humility and genuine concern and love. Love is not merely a physical desire because of the lustrous beauty your lover may have, its not the sexual connection that has been established through time; its the deeper connection spiritually that has been cultivated through hours of all encompassing conversation and the joy of the non-verbal communication that has taken place.
I think that it has taken me much longer to learn humility then most people but now that I have I feel an utter disappointment for my actions previous to today. I have found (and been told by my wife) that it is very important to look her in the eyes when talking, I agree but this is a hard one for me when I have done something wrong. I don't know about any of you but I feel ashamed and stupid for any ridiculous actions that I do because I have an unattainable view of perfection for myself so anything short of that is blatantly unacceptable. However with this unrealistic expectation it has impeded my ability to really conversate with my beloved. Now with this new information and outlook I find it imperative to shut down any activities that are going on around us and do my best to focus and take in the information passionately. This will only benefit us in the long haul because the retention of important information is very impressive to woman, especially since they pretty much know that most of us have that "oooo shiny" kind of attention span.
So, I conclude that a very large and important aspect of any husband and leader is the ability to clearly and effectively communicate. Without this, information is lost and a link broken; without this we can survive but nothing will make sense and happiness will fade as the sun sets and as day turns to night. But with this there can be much clarity and understanding, and growth is the only outcome with this type of environment.
V/R,
Kenne
Be Exemplary
I spoke to my wife this evening (she's working a 24+ hr shift) but I have found that many times when we communicate things become misconstrued and frustration begins to poke its nasty little head around. But some of what I have lived through even with my grotesque amount of impatience I realize that there is more then just frustration and misguided agendas. I feel that attitude plays a serious role in your overall ability to communicate with others especially your wife. Being effective in what you are trying to communicate and how you do so comes directly from an attitude of humility and genuine concern and love. Love is not merely a physical desire because of the lustrous beauty your lover may have, its not the sexual connection that has been established through time; its the deeper connection spiritually that has been cultivated through hours of all encompassing conversation and the joy of the non-verbal communication that has taken place.
I think that it has taken me much longer to learn humility then most people but now that I have I feel an utter disappointment for my actions previous to today. I have found (and been told by my wife) that it is very important to look her in the eyes when talking, I agree but this is a hard one for me when I have done something wrong. I don't know about any of you but I feel ashamed and stupid for any ridiculous actions that I do because I have an unattainable view of perfection for myself so anything short of that is blatantly unacceptable. However with this unrealistic expectation it has impeded my ability to really conversate with my beloved. Now with this new information and outlook I find it imperative to shut down any activities that are going on around us and do my best to focus and take in the information passionately. This will only benefit us in the long haul because the retention of important information is very impressive to woman, especially since they pretty much know that most of us have that "oooo shiny" kind of attention span.
So, I conclude that a very large and important aspect of any husband and leader is the ability to clearly and effectively communicate. Without this, information is lost and a link broken; without this we can survive but nothing will make sense and happiness will fade as the sun sets and as day turns to night. But with this there can be much clarity and understanding, and growth is the only outcome with this type of environment.
V/R,
Kenne
Be Exemplary
Intro to the "Circle of Husbandry"
Hello my name is Kenne and this first blog will be some what short.
This content that I plan to post here is something that tugs at my heart and makes me realize how important some things are and how we need to learn them to flourish as individuals. The "Circle of Husbandry" is a name that I thought to be both funny and a realization that this really exists. Whether we as people recognize this group as being real or not it is important to notice that any man that is indeed a husband and desires to fulfill that role with grace and elegance is part of this group.
On here I will give my incite as I see it and hope to learn and grow as I do so because thus far I have had the best of intentions but fall ever so short of how I want to be as a husband. I truly believe that if we can succeed as husband it will overflow and cultivate the aspects of a good leader and a great father. The journey of being a husband is not easy, it is far to often that the so called "power-trip" takes over and being the all-powerful one is not the call for us. Rather I interject that our call is to lead by our example, to show the grace and compassion that is needed and to be the one the family can fall back on in any moment of need. Please, I ask that every man that is a husband takes the call to the Circle of Husbandry because we can make a difference in ourselves, our families, and the culture around us. Thank you and God Bless.
V/R,
Kenne
This content that I plan to post here is something that tugs at my heart and makes me realize how important some things are and how we need to learn them to flourish as individuals. The "Circle of Husbandry" is a name that I thought to be both funny and a realization that this really exists. Whether we as people recognize this group as being real or not it is important to notice that any man that is indeed a husband and desires to fulfill that role with grace and elegance is part of this group.
On here I will give my incite as I see it and hope to learn and grow as I do so because thus far I have had the best of intentions but fall ever so short of how I want to be as a husband. I truly believe that if we can succeed as husband it will overflow and cultivate the aspects of a good leader and a great father. The journey of being a husband is not easy, it is far to often that the so called "power-trip" takes over and being the all-powerful one is not the call for us. Rather I interject that our call is to lead by our example, to show the grace and compassion that is needed and to be the one the family can fall back on in any moment of need. Please, I ask that every man that is a husband takes the call to the Circle of Husbandry because we can make a difference in ourselves, our families, and the culture around us. Thank you and God Bless.
V/R,
Kenne
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